Why am I so afraid of change?
It’s that time of year. The leaves are changing colors, there’s a refreshing coolness in the air, we’ve been able to zip up our hoodies and get back outside without sweating to death— it’s such a welcome change after the exhausting humidity and heat of the summer. Especially in the Midwest, there’s something that just changes in the air when this time hits. It’s when we start to shift from the stimulating and energetic rhythms of summer into a slower and relaxed pace.
It’s got me thinking about change. If only it was as effortless as the change in season. The seasons change predictably and we know what to expect during that time, but change is rarely like this in the real world. Whether it’s something we’ve planned all along or something that happens to us outside of our control, change often brings up fear when you’re an anxious person.
What if this is the wrong decision?
What if I have regrets?
What if I fail?
What will people think?
One reason this happens is because we can’t predict what’s going to happen next. Our brains just don’t like that, so it draws on similar past experiences to try and prepare you for what’s ahead. Also our brains are negatively biased so they remember painful or scary experiences stronger than positive ones. Thanks brain! When you’re feeling fear, you may be re-experiencing something from your past that seems similar to what you’re going through now.
The faith you have in yourself also plays a big part. Many times when I’m exploring fears with my clients, it boils down to one thing — I CAN’T HANDLE IT. Self esteem issues come up often when we’re faced with a challenge.
If you have trouble coping with change, start by noticing your thoughts in relation to it. Next, try to challenge that thought. You’re still here aren’t you? Did you actually die or fall apart or did you just experience discomfort? Discomfort sucks but it certainly doesn’t kill you. If you’re really having trouble here try using radical acceptance, which looks like “I don’t like that this is happening but I accept that I can’t control it”.
There’s no way to avoid changes in life. Like the seasons, things are going to happen, welcome or not. We might hate winter and complain, but most of us don’t sit around ruminating about it. We accept that it’s inevitable and move on. Now changes in life are not that simple of course, but to some degree we have to find a way to accept things that we don’t like. Just this simple exercise increases your ability to handle stress and that in itself makes your self esteem better.