Can you get over trauma?
People who experience a trauma often want to just move on and get over it. It’s not uncommon for a person to experience something unimaginable and decide that they are going to just pack it away neatly into their memory and never think of it again. Sometimes this strategy works for awhile, particularly in the short term and one might feel they have successfully moved on from it. But most often, eventually it creeps back in and not always in a very obvious way. This is because traumatic experiences shape the way that you view yourself, the world and relationships.
Changes in Self Image look like:
I am broken
I don’t know how to make good decisions
Feelings of worthlessness
Taking too much blame for relationship issues
Changes in World View might look like:
Panic attacks or trouble with crowds
Seeing the world as a cruel and scary place
Overgeneralizing groups that share characteristics with your perpetrator (i.e. all men are bad)
Being scared to be alone or be in unfamiliar places
Changes in Relationships might look like:
Being suspicious and mistrusting
Not allowing yourself to get too invested in a relationship
Avoiding conflict
Being afraid to express yourself
The beliefs you develop after a trauma matter…
Beliefs shape how we respond to things. They either help us engage in behaviors and activities that enhance our quality of life or get in the way. People that have developed many negative or exaggerated beliefs tend to have a hard time in many aspects of their lives. Trauma can get in the way of things that truly lead to fulfillment like love, companionship and self esteem.
So how do I get over it?
Unfortunately you don’t ever fully get over it but you can learn to live with this better. Just by reading this you are increasing self awareness into your patterns. But beyond that, a big part of living with a trauma is finding ways to face the pain and not avoid. Avoidance keeps you stuck in the pattern. You experience negative feelings, images or physical responses and you rush to numb them with distractions (i.e. social media, food, substances, keeping busy, work). Trust me, I get it. Sometimes avoidance is ok and you don’t have a choice, but you can’t spend your life running away from these feelings. You have to find a way to accept them and it starts with self compassion. It’s ok to feel angry, sad, scared…you’ve been through a lot.
Consider telling your story…
This might feel very scary and I get it, you’ve been avoiding this for a long time. Telling your story is part of the healing process. You can write about it, talk to a professional, or share what happened to you with someone that you know will support you. Telling your story is important because it helps you let go of feelings of shame. Shame thrives on secrecy because your negative beliefs just continue to circulate without being checked. Just by simply sharing your story it gets rid of the secrecy. You might even find that facing it isn’t as scary as you imagined.
Adopt a survivor mindset
Getting stuck in a victim mindset doesn’t help you heal. Victims think that they are doomed to a life of misery because of their experiences. They don’t think that getting better is a possibility and there’s no point to taking any steps towards healing. Survivors think they are capable. They own their stories, they accept their raw emotion, and they take care of themselves. Sometimes they even use their experience to grow by finding meaning in their suffering.
Unfortunately there is just no quick and easy fix to trauma healing. If there was, therapists would be completely on board with it. It’s human nature to want to avoid suffering and these steps take a lot of work. But in the end, it can lead to a more fulfilling life. Finding meaning in suffering, learning to let go of these negative beliefs, and being kind to yourself in the process restores hope.